I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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