Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
