I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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