I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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