he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
