my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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