Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
