are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
