So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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