you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
