I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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