Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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