Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
