There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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