he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We have started to decorate penises.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
