apparently the secret to your success is patron
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
