Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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