my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I deserve to be covered in dicks
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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