Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
