all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
