and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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