I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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