Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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