Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
