Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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