We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
