i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
