I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
