If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
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so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
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Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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