about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
