He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
