the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
look no pants
I faked an abortion last night.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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