I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
