My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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