just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
