You just made me feel so damn special
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
