well you can't waste a boner
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
