the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
