Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
