'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Randomize
