Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
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I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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