You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
