I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
