yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
