What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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