i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
