k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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