I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
