listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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