Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
