I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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