It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
