Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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