I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
