apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
