we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
