Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
