yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
