Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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