I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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