every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
