would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
