I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How external is "for external use only"?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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