I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
