Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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