I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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