he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We have started to decorate penises.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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