shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
