im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
