When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
