i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
