watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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