i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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