woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
