never play flip cup with pint glasses
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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