i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
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I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Text me some of your sweat
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