He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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