Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
and she was petting her beer can
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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