from now on my penis is your penis
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
