if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
