apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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