I just pynch a tree in the face
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
