you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
