oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
